


dear daniel,

by childofhades



Series: in every universe, you and me. [2]
Category: Wanna One (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Angst, Best Friends to Lovers, Childhood Friends, Friends to Lovers, Happy Birthday Daniel!, Love Rosie AU, M/M, Mutual Pining, One Sided Jonghyun/Seongwoo, Slow Burn, angst with happy ending, super slow burn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-24
Updated: 2018-12-24
Packaged: 2019-09-20 02:55:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 16,231
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17014278
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/childofhades/pseuds/childofhades
Summary: Seongwu realized that maybe no matter where he was, what he’s doing, or who he’s with, he’d always be completely, honestly and irrevocably in love with Daniel.And even in this universe, Daniel and Seongwu keep missing each other.Perhaps, they aren’t meant to be in this universe either.





	dear daniel,

**Author's Note:**

  * For [wineandvodka](https://archiveofourown.org/users/wineandvodka/gifts).



> hello! this is long overdue, i was supposed to post for daniel's birthday :( 
> 
> the past few months have been very rough for me. i had too many breakdowns that i thought about leaving twitter and writing for good. i don't think that i could survive that phase of my life without ongniel to inspire me. 
> 
> so this fic is for me, my friends and ongniel.
> 
> to ayra, thank you for believing in me and waiting patiently. i'm sorry if it took me so long to post this.
> 
> to kristel, thank you for everything. you were there for me when i needed a friend the most. i appreciate that so much.
> 
> to dayne, thank you for reading and helping me edit this. i owe you so much! 
> 
> and to my friends in twt who left encouraging msgs in my dm, you know who you are! thank you so much, i appreciate all ur kind words so much...
> 
> to me, thank you for not giving up on yourself. you've worked so hard until now.
> 
>  
> 
> enjoy this as much as i enjoyed writing this piece! 
> 
> PS: THIS IS 'ANGST' WITH HAPPY ENDING SO :)

 

**PROLOGUE**

 

**Love.**

According to C.S. Lewis, a British novelist, there are four types of love a person will experience in their lifetime.

 ** _Eros_** or passionate love, an intense love that causes romantic feelings. This kind of love is portrayed in our favorite movies, books, and dramas.  The love that drove Romeo and Juliet mad, made Rose cry in despair for Jack and the love shared by Bonnie and Clyde. It’s an intense, electrifying and captivating kind of love.

 ** _Philia_** or platonic love. The love built from companionship, dependability, and trust. The platonic affection often shared among classmates or acquaintances. Think best friends, unconditional acts of kindness, and kindred spirits.

 **_Storge_ ** or familial love. The love that parents naturally feel for their children; the love that member of the family has for each other or the love between friends. The love makes you feel secure, comfortable and safe. This is our first experience of unconditional love.

 ** _Agape_** or better known as the highest form of love, is self-sacrificing and unconditional. According to the Bible, this was what Jesus felt for us when he saved us from condemnation. It is the love a God has for man, and man has for God It may also be what one feels for another, as this defines love as one that transcends and persists regardless of circumstances.

 

 

But for Seongwoo, his love for Daniel wouldn’t be classified into any of these categories.

 

 

_“I loved you through it all. Make me the happiest man on this earth by being with me._

_Please reply to me.”_

 

 

Seongwoo feels a sudden rush of bittersweet feelings as he re-reads the last line of his letter. He smiles as he recalls the memories he had. Seongwoo can probably recite every word over and over if anyone dared ask. He knew every word by heart, he could write and rewrite it with his eyes closed.

This letter, the very best one, if he may add, has so many crease lines, a sign it has been folded and unfolded a little too many times. The ink has also faded in addition to the messy handwriting.

Yet, out of the thousands of letters Seongwoo received in all his life, this one holds a special place in his heart. He smiles as he caresses the strokes of the pen made years ago, crinkled but still readable.

It, too, ages as times goes by.

 

_Letters. Greeting Cards._

 

Spread across the floors are different letters in colorful envelopes, some of them he received when he was in high school, the age where everyone was eager to confess their affection and admiration through flowery words. There are also greeting cards for every occasion; especially birthdays—Seongwoo smiles— **he** never missed sending one every year on his birthday.

 

_Email Printouts._

 

Seongwoo smiles forlornly when he sees a familiar email, he remembers receiving this a day after their graduation. It happened decades ago, but he can still remember that very moment where he had to let go of things important to him, not for his sake but for everyone else’s.

 

_Post-it notes._

 

It was silly to keep these silly old post-it notes from grade school days but Seongwoo is a sentimental person. He treasured each note he received throughout his life, especially if it was from _him_.

 

_Invitations_

 

Seongwoo let his smile fall from his face when he feels a familiar ache in his chest. It’s been years but Seongwoo still remembers everything as if it happened yesterday.

They are all spread across the floor, each has a story of its own. The joy and sadness of each phase of his life, telling the tale of their love story.

 

 

**_Seongwoo had kept them all._ **

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**When Seongwoo turned 18, he’s sure of two things: 1) He is very drunk, and 2) Kang Daniel is the most beautiful person in the world.**

 

“Drink up! Drink up, hyung!”

 

Tonight, Seongwoo just turned eighteen and to celebrate his coming of age, he and Daniel snuck out to party at a club well-known throughout their school. Although Daniel is a year younger than Seongwoo he looks older than he is, so they immediately got in without any trouble.

 

Thirteen years.

 

Daniel has been with Seongwoo for almost thirteen years now. Their moms were best friends back in high school and they made a pact that their future children should be best friends too. That’s how they got stuck together ever since they were kindergarten when Seongwoo was still a nerd and Daniel was still a crybaby.

 

Fortunately, their personalities clicked. They were able to complement each other’s weird personalities and strange quirks. They decided to stick together all throughout grade school to the confusing middle school stage and to their mature selves in high school. If you would ask Seongwoo what’s the one thing that never changed since he was a kid, he’d answer, “Daniel”.

 

Daniel is Seongwoo’s best friend.

 

“So, Shut Up and Dance With Me!”

 

Both of them were laughing, dancing and shouting incorrect lyrics to the song blasting loudly in the club. They were both sweaty and drunk after drinking five shots of tequila, but as Seongwoo stared at his best friend laughing loudly without any care in the world, he realized; happy Daniel will always be the best Daniel.

 

“Do you want to sit for a bit?” Daniel yelled into his ear, he couldn’t hear Daniel’s voice against the loud music but nodded nonetheless.

 

They ordered another round of shots and sat at the furthermost table of the club. Seongwoo settled on a stool while the younger stood next to him.

 

“Another shot?” Seongwoo offered which Daniel gratefully accepted.

 

They took couple more shots and started giggling, faces almost too close to each other. Space has never been an issue between them. Daniel is a touchy-feely guy, he initiated skinship among his friends most of the time and who was Seongwoo to refuse? Seongwoo liked the feeling of being enveloped by Daniel’s warm embrace. His hug worked like a freakin magic; as if all evil was drowned by Daniel’s smile alone.

 

But tonight felt different. It wasn’t like all those times they hugged or cuddled before. Seongwoo knew that right now they’re playing a dangerous game, they were walking into the territory which best friends should never step upon, the line Seongwoo crossed too long ago.

 

But Seongwoo was drunk and Daniel was the most beautiful person in his world.

 

The gap between their faces got shorter and shorter until Seongwoo took the leap and leaned in for a soft and quick kiss. Daniel was a little dazed, but his eyes were twinkling with anticipation as he welcomed Seongwoo’s lips on his own. Technically, this wasn’t Seongwoo’s first kiss, he’skissed both boys and girls in the past and although he might not remember all of their names, he knew how each kiss felt like.none of them felt like this. Seongwoo wasn’t prepared. He’s been with Daniel for _almost_ all his life, he spent hours watching him talk, laugh and frown. He was aware Daniel has a pair of nice lips, but he's never imagined how warm it would be pressed to his own.

 

It felt nice.

 

For a moment, Seongwoo almost thought Daniel would pull away from him. For a moment, Seongwoo wondered if Daniel was kissing him because he’s drunk. That Daniel won’t remember the kiss they shared tomorrow. For a moment, Seongwoo thought that everything was just one sweet dream.

 

“Daniel—“

 

“Shhh,” Daniel held his face gently as their foreheads touch.

 

He pondered if his best friend could hear his heart beating loudly against his chest if he could see the stars in his eyes as he looked at him with all the love he could muster. Seongwoo couldn’t concentrate. It felt like his chest will explode from nervousness, anticipation—and from his overflowing feelings for his best friend.

 

“Seongwoo.”

 

When their lips touched again, Seongwoo swore he felt sparks fly in every direction. The world started to fade away and there was only him and Daniel. Their lips didn’t move, it was just a small warm and innocent kiss. But for Seongwoo, it was the most intimate and electrifying kiss he experienced in his whole eighteen years of existence.

 

Daniel started to move his lips as Seongwoo followed in sync. His hands automatically encircling itself on Daniel’s neck for support as if they’ve been doing this for all their lives. But Seongwoo was drunk, and for once in his life, he has enough courage to kiss his best friend. As if Daniel heard Seongwoo’s thoughts, he pulled him closer. Their kiss deepened, more passionate, and Seongwoo swore he could feel Daniel’s bulge hardening.

 

They were both drunk as hell and they were kissing.

 

Maybe this was the time Seongwoo was waiting for. Maybe Seongwoo could finally say those words he’s been keeping to himself all this time.

 

“I—“

 

Seongwoo didn’t know what happened. First, he was kissing Daniel then suddenly he’s lying on the ground. He tried to stand up but he’s too dizzy to even lift himself up.

 

“Hyung!”

 

Then everything went black.

  
  


 

 

 

 

 

 

Seongwoo groaned as his eyes struggled to cope with the daylight peeking through his half-closed curtains. He could still taste vomit in his mouth, probably from too much puking last night. Yesterday, Ong Seongwoo turned eighteen years old and had the best night of his life. His headache was killing him, he could literally feel his head splitting into two as he forced himself to get up to open the goddamn door.  

 

“Good morning, hyung!” Daniel brightly greeted him, looking fresh and happy as always.

 

Seongwoo rolled his eyes, slipping into his comforter again. He sighed when he felt his headache subsiding. His best friend quickly followed, lying next to Seongwoo.

 

“What did my mom say?”

 

He could faintly remember his mom shouting along the lines of Seongwoo being “irresponsible” and “having too much fun” but he was too tired to even try to remember.

 

“I told her it’s my fault. Well, it is my fault anyway. I forced you to come with me and drink.”

 

Seongwoo rolled his eyes again. They both knew Seongwoo was the one who fed Daniel the idea of going to the club and getting wasted.  

 

“Ugh, my head hurts.”

 

Daniel laughed but moved closer, snuggling against him. He gently lifted Seongwoo’s head and put it on his arm, just how Seongwoo liked it. The way they always cuddled before.

 

“I regret last night. Never again. Ugh, Last night was awful”

 

By that, Daniel perked up and stared at him. “Why? Which part?”

 

“All of it,” Seongwoo answered like it’s the most obvious thing. Why? Seongwoo could list all the embarrassing stuff he did last night. From when he started breakdancing in front of many people, to when he suddenly went up to the pole and almost taking off his shirt (which was fortunately interrupted by Daniel).

 

Seongwoo looked at Daniel who suddenly turned quiet.

 

“Hey, promise me you won’t tell anyone what happened. Okay?” Seongwoo whined, hugging Daniel’s waist like it’s the most normal thing best friends do.

 

“Alright, Stop whining. I won’t tell anyone.”  

 

Seongwoo was lucky to have Daniel as his best friend. If Daniel wasn’t there, Seongwoo would probably be flying to another country right now after changing his name. He’s pretty sure if Daniel wasn’t with him last night, he would’ve done more embarrassing things. Embarrassing enough he would need to save for a plastic surgery to change his face and it would be a pity because Seongwoo liked his pretty face.

 

“How did we get home last night?”

 

“My mom picked us up.”

 

“Was she mad?”

 

“She was. She lectured me the entire ride about how I’m influencing you to do things you don’t normally do. And that she was sorry to your mother that I’m your best friend.” Daniel scoffed while Seongwoo laughed heartily.

 

“She also told me I need to spend two hours in the library every day until graduation.”

 

Seongwoo sat up to look at Daniel better. “That’s a nightmare.”

 

“It won’t be that bad though,” Daniel grinned sheepishly which made Seongwoo frown. That grin was all too familiar to Seongwoo. “Im Nayeon works part time there.”

 

Im fucking Nayeon.

 

Nayeon has been Daniel’s crush ever since they both learned what a crush was even was. Seongwoo was eleven while Daniel was ten when Daniel suddenly asked Seongwoo what crush was. Seongwoo didn’t know too, but according to his sister, a crush is when you find someone attractive. So when he asked Daniel which girl in their class was the most attractive, he answered Nayeon. Since then, Daniel believed Im Nayeon is his crush.

 

Daniel might be the most beautiful man to Seongwoo’s eyes, but Im Nayeon was way out of his league. She was the epitome of what the most popular girl in movies would be like. Pretty, the top of her class, rich and dating the captain of the basketball team. Im Nayeon was way too out of reach for Kang Daniel, but Kang Daniel was way too out of reach for Ong Seongwoo.

 

He’s been pinning for his best friend ever since he realized he liked him when he was nine years old. Daniel was a cry baby and won’t fight anyone anyone unless you hurt someone dear  to him and he proved it true when he protected Seongwoo from some high school boys who attempted to rob him.

 

Daniel was smaller than them, but he managed to land some punches. In that instant, Seongwoo realized he cares for Daniel more than he does for any friend he has.

 

That was the day Seongwoo swore he wanted to stay next to Daniel for as long as he could. Their friendship was tested by time and a lifetime of experiences they shared togetherSoulmates. That’s what they are.

 

Daniel always tells Seongwoo he believed that they lived a thousand lives before this one and each of those lives, they ended beside each other.

 

Seongwoo couldn’t agree more. With Daniel, everything comes easy.

 

He could tell him practically everything that came to his mind and Daniel would gladly listen to each word he’ll say. He’s there to hear him talking about how he’d like to have his own hotel someday. Seongwoo didn’t even know why he’s fascinated by the idea of serving people, of making people comfortable during their stay, but Daniel supports him and his dream, like how he supports his.

 

The two of them would spin a globe and place their finger down randomly, it would always land on America. The place where the two of them wanted to visit the most. As they laid out their dreams together, something must be in common, the two of them will achieve this with the other one by his side.

 

When Seongwoo’s father died and he ran away from home, Daniel was the only person who managed to find him. He held his hand as he cried how much he regretted not telling his father enough how much he loved him. He wiped his tears away and stayed by his side throughout the funeral. He never left his side not even a second.

 

Daniel has always been Seongwoo’s miracle ever since he was a kid.

 

Daniel pulled Seongwoo again so that he’s lying on his chest. Seongwoo swore he could feel his heart beating too loudly that Daniel could hear it, “So? It’s not like she would date you or something.”  

 

Daniel laughed heartily. “As a matter of fact, she asked for my phone number last week.”

Seongwoo hummed in response. It didn’t change the fact Im Nayeon has a boyfriend and he knew Daniel was aware of that. He wouldn’t dare to cheat with someone who already has a boyfriend. That’s not _his_ Daniel.

“Seongwoo..”

 

“Hmm?”

 

“Do you really regret last night?”

 

“Yes.”

He answered absentmindedly and moved closer to Daniel. “Why?”

 

“Nothing.”

 

Hugging Daniel felt nice, it reminded him that whatever happens Daniel will always be with him, but Seongwoo felt incomplete as if there’s something he should remember, that there’s something else he forgot.

 

“Daniel?”

 

“Yes?”

 

He ducked his head again, maybe he’s just overthinking things.

 

“Nevermind.”

  


A day after, when the two figured out they got nothing else to do at home, they headed to the beach where the rest of their classmates were. Their graduation was coming soon which means there were tons of parties they shouldn’t miss. Everyone from their grade was there, he even spotted Im Nayeon with her girlfriends dancing by the bonfire.

 

Seongwoo found a spot not so far, but not too near to the party and settled in, Daniel quickly followed behind him.

 

“I saw Park Sooyoung back there, she’s hot. I still can’t believe she’s so into you,” Daniel said, taking a big gulp from his beer.

 

“She asked me to come with her to the prom,” Seongwoo answered back, causing Daniel to spit out some of his beer.

 

Park Sooyoung is like Im Nayeon. Tall, gorgeous, rich and a cheerleader. Sooyoung has been into him since first-year high school and she’s not subtle about it.

 

Daniel’s eyes crinkled as he laughed loudly. “What? When? What did you say?”

 

“I told her no. We’re going together, aren’t we? That’s like our tradition.”

 

Daniel was about to respond when Im Nayeon walked over to where they were seated. The wind was kinda blowing hard, so hard her dress is flying up. Seongwoo swore he saw her black panties.

 

“Hi, Daniel.” She said in her supposed to be seductive voice that almost made  Seongwoo want to puke his lunch. “ I missed you at the library today.”

 

“Um, I—yep!—I was busy!” Daniel stuttered, and he looked at Seongwoo for help. “Right?” Seongwoo nodded, offering Nayeon his fakest smile.

 

“Yep, we’re a little busy.”

 

He wanted to laugh at Daniel for being a pathetic and stuttering mess in front of his _crush,_ but then there’s a little ache in Seongwoo’s heart as he watched them practically flirt in front of him.

 

“See you sometime then, Daniel” Nayeon winked at Daniel before leaving which made Seongwoo flush in—jealousy.

 

What a bitch.

 

“She’s so into me, hyung.” Daniel smiled smugly, proud his crush finally noticed him and to be honest, Seongwoo hated it.

 

“Shut up. You were hopeless. You’re lucky she didn’t trip over your tongue and drag it halfway across the ground.”

 

“Well then, if you’re so good with girls, how do I go about seducing this woman, who is apparently out of my league?”

 

**You don’t.**

 

Seongwoo badly wanted to tell him not to seduce any woman or man, that he shouldn’t put much effort in making people like him because God, Daniel is amazing the way he is. He wanted to say to Daniel that he shouldn’t talk about anyone else when he’s with Seongwoo, that he should look at the person who’s in front of him right now.

 

“Well for starters, Im Nayeon looks like a goddess while you’re—“ Daniel pouted, “you’re a virgin.” They both laughed. “No, come on. We can still work with that. Also, I’ve read in books that you know, you must act cool, like—you don’t like her and ignore her.”

 

“Is that so? We can practice then.” Seongwoo frowned, not liking Daniel’s mischievous grin.

 

“Which one?”

 

“The virgin part.”Daniel laughed.

 

“I’m being serious here, Kang Daniel.”

 

“Do you really want me to be with her, Seongwoo-hyung?”

 

_No. I want you to be with me._

Seongwoo tried so hard to give the fakest smile he could muster, after all, Daniel was his best friend. He was just the _best friend_. Daniel’s always been so good in reading Seongwoo’s facial expression and Seongwoo silently hoped Daniel would realize what Seongwoo wanted to really say.

 

But what should he say? That he doesn’t want Daniel to take Nayeon to prom because he’s jealous?

 

They stared at each other, both of them trying to read what the other was thinking. Seongwoo looked away first because the longer he looked at Daniel, the more it became harder for Seongwoo to play his role.

 

He’s afraid Daniel would notice how his heart broke a little whenever he talked about Im Nayeon.

 

“Second, you have to seem like you see something in her no one else has...like, her soul.”

 

“While ignoring her?”

 

“Exactly.”

 

Seongwoo wanted to laugh at himself for being this pathetic.

“Seongwoo, actually—” Seongwoo motioned Daniel to go on. Daniel looked like he’s hesitating as if he’s afraid Seongwoo wouldn’t like the thing he’ll say. “Nayeon asked me to go to the dance with her.”

 

“Doesn’t she have a boyfriend?” Im Nayeon was dating Kang Dongho, wasn’t she? Seongwoo swore he saw them together making out in the locker room just a week ago.

 

“She dumped him already.”

 

Seongwoo felt his chest tighten, not quite sure how to react with this Daniel-Nayeon thing. He was pretty sure Daniel wasn’t in love with Nayeon, he just liked how she looked, but it never crossed his mind there might be a chance for Nayeon to like Daniel back. “Really?” He mumbled.

 

“Yeah, can you imagine?”

Seongwoo didn’t answer,instead, he took a long sip from his beer. He didn’t really like beer, it tasted like shit—too bitter for his taste. He never liked drinking as well, but Daniel—God, Daniel loves drinking so much Seongwoo become used to it too.  He stared at his best friend who still has this stupid smile on his face. “Take her,” Seongwoo said, averting his eyes from Daniel, “If that’s what makes you happy.”

 

For a moment, Seongwoo wanted Daniel to shake his head and tell him he’d rather go fool around with him just like every year. For a moment, Seongwoo almost thought Daniel would reject his idea.

 

“Yeah, but then you wouldn’t have anyone to go with.”

 

Ouch.

 

He’s stupid to think Daniel would pass on taking the school’s most popular girl for him. Of course, Daniel would choose Nayeon over him.

 

“Jonghyun asked me though, I’m gonna be fine.”

 

“Kim Jonghyun? Your first kiss?”

 

Kim Jonghyun was their school’s student body president. He and Seongwoo are friends because they were both part of the student paper organization. Jonghyun was the editor in chief, while Seongwoo took photos for them.

 

It wasn’t like they’re as close as Daniel and him, but he was close enough to Seongwoo that he knew about his crush on his best friend. He would understand if Seongwoo would ask him to be his date later.

 

“Oh?”

 

No.

 

“Yeah.”

 

“I’ll go talk to her then.”

 

Daniel immediately stood up and walked over to where Im Nayeon and her friends were. Seongwoo shrugged, acting as if he didn’t cause another scar to his heart, like he didn’t care at all. He didn’t want to think much but as he watched Daniel flirts his way with Nayeon, laughing as if they have so many things in common, Seongwoo wanted to cry.

 

This night was supposed to be one of those nights where they would just have fun, drink a little, and crash at Daniel’s or maybe Seongwoo’s place. They would cuddle like every other night and Seongwoo would dream of finally kissing his best friend.

 

But Seongwoo was not your typical male character in a romance book, and Daniel wasn’t his leading man. Unlike all the cliché love stories out there, Seongwoo was just a side character to Daniel’s story. The one who’s in every chapter throughout the whole book, but never had a whole chapter dedicated to him.

 

Daniel was born to be with someone who’s as perfect as him, someone that could never be Seongwoo. Because in Daniel’s life, Seongwoo’s role was just being the best friend.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Seongwoo ended up ignoring Daniel over the weekend.

 

He didn’t intentionally plan to, but the realizations he had when he was busy watching Daniel dancing too closely with Nayeon was enough to keep him awake at night.

 

He knew it was bound to happen, Daniel was a great guy after all. It wasn’t a secret, he has a lot of admirers too. Both boys and girls were crushing over him, professing their undying feelings and affection to him through letters and gifts. In Seongwoo’s unbiased opinion, Daniel came in second for having the best face in the campus (Seongwoo was first) and he has a well-built body in addition. On top of that, Daniel’s personality was like a sun, he has the warmest personality that attracts people to flock around him, and being friends with someone like Kang Daniel is both the best and worst thing for Seongwoo.

 

Although he’s a year older than Daniel, they were currently in the fourth year now. Daniel studied a year earlier than he was supposed to, and at that moment, their mothers figured it would be nice for both to be in the same class. It was both a curse and a gift to Seongwoo.

 

But today, it’s more like a curse

 

 

**Kang Daniel:**

Hyung, why are you mad at me?

 

**Kang Daniel:**

What did I do to make my pretty hyung mad? T____T

 

**Kang Daniel:**

Don’t get at me anymore, Seongwoo-hyung. I miss hugging you already. ☹

 

 

Seongwoo tried to stop himself from looking at where Daniel was sittting. He could already imagine Daniel giving him the puppy look that never fails to work on Seongwoo. It’s not that Seongwoo was weak to it. He was just too whipped for Daniel. Seongwoo sighed, trying to reply to the younger who obviously perked up when he noticed his hyung was finally going to reply after spamming him with multiple messages.

 

 

**Ong Seongwoo:**

I’m not mad at you.

 

 

**Kang Daniel:**

Then why are you ignoring my messages and calls?

 

 

**Kang Daniel:**

**☹**

 

**Ong Seongwoo:**

I was sick.

 

 

**Ong Seongwoo:**

I just slept all throughout the weekend.

 

 

**Kang Daniel:**

Really?

 

 

**Ong Seongwoo:**

Yep :P

 

 

Seongwoo’s never been mad at Daniel. Even before when he broke his favorite DVD, or when he spilled his favorite ice cream on his 7th birthday. He just couldn’t find it to get mad at the younger.

 

This time too, he was mad at himself for getting sad over the thought of sharing Daniel’s attention with someone else. He hated that he could feel his heart breaking a little every time Daniel talked about other people. It would be selfish to say he doesn’t want to share Danie,l but that was what he’s feeling right now. What sucks more was he knew he doesn’t have the right to get sad about this at all.

 

 

**Kang Daniel:**

Hyung, I need to tell you something.

 

**Ong Seongwoo:**

What is it?

 

**Ong Seongwoo:**

Stop smiling, you’re distracting me.

 

**Ong Seongwoo:**

You look dumb with that smile.

 

**Kang Daniel:**

I know you like my smile hyung, don’t deny it 😊

 

**Ong Seongwoo:**

So what is it

**Kang Daniel:**

Virgin boy is no longer.

 

 

 

Oh.

 

 

Seongwoo felt like he lost his ability to think or speak, all the vocabulary he knew left him. He stared and stared at the text bubble on his screen thinking maybe he just misread Daniel’s reply.

 

He didn’t.

 

He lifted his eyes to stare at Daniel who was obviously clueless of how much he was hurting Seongwoo. Kang Daniel was looking at him with such anticipation and excitement in his eyes, but Seongwoo couldn’t return the same reaction.

 

Daniel was a great guy. Seongwoo already knew that since a long time ago, but between the two of them, Daniel was the one who’s a lot more conservative. Seongwoo has dated both guys and girls before, but Daniel was different. He used to say he’s saving all his firsts for that special someone who would have his heart.

 

 

Seongwoo didn’t expect he’d meet _that_ someone this soon.

 

 

He’s not ready yet.

 

 

**Ong Seongwoo:**

Who’s the unlucky one?

 

 

A name already came into Seongwoo’s mind, but he refused to accept it.

 

 

_Please, not Im Nayeon._

 

 

_Please, not Im Nayeon._

 

 

Seongwoo’s world stopped when Daniel started typing.

 

**Kang Daniel:**

Im Nayeon.

 

 

“ _Fuck_.”

 

Seongwoo realized a little too late that perhaps he talked a little too loud and now everyone is staring at him, the whole class has their eyes on him including Mr. Lee, who was, by the way, one of the most terrifying and strict professors in their school.

 

“Ong, get yourself down to the Headmaster’s office,” Mr. Lee commanded with full authority.Seongwoo immediately stood up carrying his bag with him.

 

“Sir— Wait! It’s my fault! I had something to tell him!”

 

“I see, Kang and I must say Congratulations.” Mr. Lee then flashed Seongwoo’s and Daniel’s conversation to the projector. Seongwoo felt himself reddening from both embarrassment and anger. Whistles and murmurs filled the room as everyone read their entire conversation. A series of congratulations for Daniel’s “goodbye to virginity” was heard which irritated Seongwoo more. He gave Daniel one more disappointed look before he walked out the door with teary eyes and a broken heart.

 

 

 

 

 

Seongwoo didn’t talk to Daniel after the whole Nayeon ordeal. He knew he was being childish and petty for ignoring his best friend, but he just couldn’t tell himself to act as nothing happened after learning  Daniel already slept with Nayeon. Deep down Seongwoo knew he’s just afraid Daniel’s feelings for Nayeon have become serious.

 

Besides, they already talked about losing their virginities together before. They’ve always done everything together and Daniel doing it before telling to Seongwoo kinda hurt him. “I need to get laid too,” Seongwoo mumbled while styling his hair in front of his mirror.

 

“Seongwoo! Daniel is here!”

 

He sighed once again before marching down to meet his ride for tonight. Although the two were not talking, Daniel knew his responsibilities towards his hyung and that includes being his driver whenever they need to attend a party.

  


Seongwoo silently opened and sat on the passenger seat, giving Daniel a small but sincere smile. Daniel absolutely looked gorgeous with his hair brushed up and slight makeup on his handsome face.

 

“You look handsome, Daniel.”

 

Daniel’s eyes were blank while looking at Seongwoo seriously. “Thank you. You look pretty as always, hyung.” He took a deep breath, “Are you still mad at me?”

 

Seongwoo shook his head, smiling a little before fixing his best friend’s crooked bowtie. “I’m not mad at you. I just need time to think about what happened.”

 

“Okay—-I know. It’s weird.”

 

“Why?”

 

“I thought you’re in love with me or something.”

 

Ouch.

 

Seongwoo laughed nervously. “Oh please, you’ll always be the boy who peed his pants while crying for your mother to me, Daniel.”

 

Daniel’s face lit up, obviously looking relieved that they were back to normal.

 

“Okay, hyung. Let’s go. We don’t want to make our dates wait any longer.”

  


When they arrived at the venue, Seongwoo immediately spotted Im Nayeon waiting by the entrance. Although Seongwoo didn’t like her diva-like attitude, he does acknowledge that Nayeon truly looked stunning with her red backless dress and black stiletto heels. She lit up the moment her eyes caught with Daniel’s and Seongwoo fought so hard to maintain the smile on his face. He still has a role to play tonight; to be Daniel’s loyal and supportive best friend.

 

“Hey there, gorgeous.” Daniel smiled, taking Nayeon’s hand to kiss.

 

“Hello to you as well, my handsome.”

 

Daniel mouthed, “see you later” to Seongwoo as he takes Nayeon’s hand, leaving  Seongwoo waiting for his own date.

 

 

 

Kim Jonghyun has been one of the kindest people Seongwoo has ever met in his whole life. When he asked him to accompany him to the dance just to save himself from embarrassment, Jonghyun didn’t ask for any details and agreed to join him. He’s not a bad company as well, although quite reserved and shy, he’s willing to try and dance with Seongwoo so they wouldn’t look too pitiful standing in the corner.

 

“You have to stop staring at them, Seongwoo,” Jonghyun said while frowning, he wanted to at least try to get Seongwoo’s eyes away from the most talked about couple tonight.

 

But Seongwoo’s stubborn eyes kept on watching Daniel dancing a little too closely with Nayeon, their eyes never leaving each other as their bodies were pressed together.

 

“They do look nice together, right?” Seongwoo asked even when he already knew the answer.

 

Daniel was talking with Nayeon while smiling as if he was absolutely smitten with what the queen bee has to say. He was looking at her as if he was in love with her and just the thought of that was enough to make Seongwoo sick.

 

“Where are you going?”

 

“To the bar.”

 

 

 

High School shouldn’t encourage drinking, but tonight was an exception to the rule. Inside the venue was a small mobile bar for students who were old enough to drink. Seongwoo ordered shots of tequila disregarding the fact he has a low alcohol tolerance. He didn’t need to drive later anyway, might as well get wasted.

 

He chugged three shots at once and immediately felt dizzy, Seongwoo continuously ordered for more until he felt numbness all over his body. Perhaps, this could help him numb his heart as well. Seongwoo struggled to keep his balance while trying to go back to where he left his date. But neither his body nor his brain was working properly as he kept stumbling down the hall. With a loud thud, Seongwoo fell to the floor.

 

“Seongwoo-sunbaenim, are you okay?”

 

Seongwoo barely recognized the face of the person in front of him before resigning to unconsciousness.

 

“Oh, Park Sooyoung.”

  


Seongwoo woke up with a pounding head, vomit taste in his mouth and dehydrated feeling on his throat, like his throat is a desert. Seongwoo slowly opened his eyes and found himself in an unfamiliar room. He struggled to adjust his eyes from the bright light peeking through the half-closed curtains.

 

He tried to collect his thoughts when he noticed he was wearing nothing but his boxers. Seongwoo froze as he realized his clothes were all gone, all are gone except his favorite black boxers. The soft sound of someone breathing next to him freaked him out as he slowly sat up to look at the person sleeping next to him.

 

His eyes fall upon bare back of a woman with a long black hair that eerily looked familiar.

 

"Oh, Shit," Seongwoo whispered weakly, realizing what ‘might’ have happened between him and the woman sleeping next to him.

 

Seongwoo left Sooyoung's apartment right after he showered and collected his thoughts. She was nice enough to lend her some of his cousin's clothes so Seongwoo wouldn’t go home in his dirty clothes.

 

Right after he arrived at home, he immediately charged his phone which already died a night ago. He was kind of expecting a series of message coming in from a certain someone, but he was surprised to find not even one from him. Seongwoo did receive messages from his mother and Jonghyun, but Daniel didn't text him at all.

 

Seongwoo was still feeling anxious about what might have happened between him and Sooyoung, so he decided to call Daniel and ask him what to do. He tried to dial his number he memorized years ago, he tried for a couple of times, but he never answered nor texted him back. So he decided to just go to his house which was just in front of their own.

 

"Daniel!" He knocked a little too loudly, but no one answered. Seongwoo decided to use his spare key which Daniel gave him as a present five Christmas ago, so Seongwoo could freely barge in when Daniel is not home.

 

Of course, Daniel wouldn’t answer his phone or worry about his best friend's well-being. He wouldn't even mind to check his phone or worry about Seongwoo when he was busy fucking his girlfriend.

 

At least that was the sound his room was implying.

 

Seongwoo opened Daniel's door and found the two sucking each other's faces off as if they can't get enough of each other, but fortunately fully clothed.

 

"Daniel!" Seongwoo shouted not so politely. Daniel and Nayeon immediately jumped off from each other.

 

“I’ll go now, Dan. I’ll text you later.” Nayeon gave Seongwoo a look before dashing out of Daniel’s house which Seongwoo replied with even a more intense look.

 

“Hyung—you should have called before coming in here.” Daniel’s face was painted with embarrassment and humiliation, but Seongwoo couldn’t care less about that.

 

“I did, Daniel. I called you countless times because I needed you, but you’re here too busy sucking Nayeon’s lips.” Daniel’s face was still full of smiles when he walked towards where Seongwoo was standing. He tried to hug him, but Seongwoo was clearly not in the mood for any of Daniel’s old moves. He gently pushed Daniel off from him to sit on his couch.

 

“Daniel.”

 

“Hyung, Where you’ve been? Didn’t hear from you since last night.”

 

Seongwoo didn’t know what to answer.

 

Daniel was still smiling, he had no idea what happened to Seongwoo. He had no idea what he went through to go home in one piece because his best friend forgot to check on him just to get laid.

 

“So, how was it? Did you have fun?”

 

“No, Daniel. It was the worst, I blacked out and woke up naked in someone else’s bed.”

 

Daniel’s eyes widen, he immediately took a seat beside Seongwoo, holding his best friend's hands. He couldn’t believe what he just heard from Seongwoo. Guilt immediately swallowed Daniel as he realized it was his partly his fault.

 

“Hyung—- Was it Jonghyun? He was your date, right?” Daniel was angry. He couldn’t believe someone would take advantage of his hyung.

 

“No—It was Park Sooyoung.”

 

“Why didn’t you call me?”

 

“I don’t know. I got too wasted and I don’t remember any of it.”

 

Daniel engulfed Seongwoo into a warm hug, the older seems pretty shaken by the things that happened over the night.

 

“It was supposed to be special—your first—I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you, Seongwoo.”

 

Seongwoo hummed in response. What happened, already happened. What matters was he’s back in Daniel’s arms again. The only place in this world where he felt safe from everything and everyone.

 

 

With Daniel, Seongwoo felt at peace.

 

 

“Hyung, do you still remember our promise before? That we will get out of this town together. To explore the world out there— just you and me?”

 

 

Seongwoo gave his best friend a little nod and soft smile. How could he forget? It’s one of the things that kept Seongwoo going every day.

 

To be with Daniel forever.

 

 

“When we receive our acceptance letters from the colleges we applied to, we could start looking for a place to stay together. That will be the start of our journey, hyung.”

 

Daniel’s eyes were Seongwoo’s favorite mirror to look at because it was only Daniel who saw the best in him. Among the people who he met throughout his life, it was Daniel who could comfort him like this, and Seongwoo knew he couldn’t imagine a life without him.

 

Even if his role was being his best friend loving him quietly and unconditionally.

 

There were thousands of things Seongwoo isn’t sure about his life. He’s not even sure of what he would want to be ten years from now, but he’s sure of where he would want to be. He wanted to be with Daniel for as long as he could. Be it in South Korea where they grew up, or in America, where their dreams lie.

 

All he knows was he wanted to be with his soulmate forever.

 

“America. That’s where our dreams will start together. You and me.” Seongwoo smiled. “You and me.”

  
  


Seongwoo has always been a bad runner, but today should be an exception. He tried to run as fast as he could so he could get the mail on time. Today was the day he’s been waiting for almost eighteen years. His acceptance letter from Boston College would arrive this exact day. He applied knowing that Daniel applied to Harvard, plus Boston has one of the best hotel management course which Seongwoo really wanted to pursue.

 

Just like what they have planned a few summers ago.

 

Seongwoo was beyond nervous, he knew this letter would dictate how the four years of his life would be as well as his dreams he shared with Daniel since they were kids. Seongwoo tore the envelope while shaking, ripping off the seal and sliding the letter out.

 

He mumbled a quick prayer before reading the content of the letter.

 

 _“Dear Mr. Seongwoo Ong, we are pleased to say that you are selected to—”_ Seongwoo couldn’t believe what he read. He _did_ _it_. He got in.

 

He’s going to America.

He’s _going_ to America _with_ _Daniel_.

He’s going to America with Daniel and pursue their dreams together.

 

 

Seongwoo nearly cried, but he stopped himself, he couldn’t wait to tell Daniel first. He opened his phone and dialed the number he memorized by heart, “Where are you?”

  


Seongwoo arrived an hour earlier in their favorite cafe before because Daniel still has things to do. He sat down by the window feeling giddy and excited, he could already imagine Daniel’s reaction to his news. He would be so happy, and if Daniel’s happy, Seongwoo is too.

 

 

Seongwoo’s smile dropped from his face when a familiar face appeared before his eyes. Someone he shouldn’t see right now, not when he’s about to meet Daniel.

 

“Sooyoung, what are you doing here?”

 

“Seongwoo-sunbae, I’m pregnant.”

  
  
  
  


Daniel arrived an hour later with an envelope in his hand and a big ass smile on his face.

 

“Hyung!” Daniel excitedly sat down in front of Seongwoo. “I’m sorry you waited for an hour, but I already got my letter! Have you got yours too?” In Daniel’s hand was the envelope with Harvard University emblem on it and judging by the smile on his face, it seemed like Daniel passed, “I’ve got some news! Read it”.

 

Seongwoo’s eyes widen when he read Daniel’s acceptance letter. “Scholarship to Harvard.” He breathed out. He couldn’t believe it. Daniel has always been an exceptional boy in everything he does and of course, Harvard didn’t fail to see that. “Daniel, Wow. That’s great. Congratulations” He felt immensely proud for his best friend.

 

“It’s unbelievable, Isn’t it?! Have you heard from Boston College yet?”

 

Seongwoo wanted to say yes and be equally excited as Daniel. He wanted to say he got accepted too with his first choice of major, but he couldn’t will his lips to move. As if stuck under water, Seongwoo couldn’t find the right words to say.

 

So instead, he shook his head.

 

His life was really a hilarious fucked up sitcom. Just when Seongwoo thought he got it all planned out, just when finally he began to plan something or get excited about something and felt like he already knows what direction he was heading in, life just need to shake things up.

 

Seongwoo could turn blind eye and leave with Daniel if he wanted to, he could continue his plans and act like he heard nothing from Sooyoung, but he knew if he would do that, it would haunt him forever and he’d never be genuinely happy. He just couldn’t leave and pursue his dreams knowing he ruined someone else’s future. He shouldn’t be selfish just for his own happiness.

 

“Seongwoo?” Daniel’s worried eyes found Seongwoo’s. “It’s okay, you’ll hear from them soon.”

 

Seongwoo observed how happy and excited Daniel was and he just couldn’t bear to ruin this for him right now. He knew him too well, he knew once Daniel knew about the pregnancy, he would never leave Seongwoo’s side. He would be here to help in all ways and Seongwoo doesn’t want that.

 

He shouldn’t stop Daniel from pursuing his dream even if he had to leave him behind.

 

“What about Nayeon? Have you told her?” Seongwoo asked, dodging Daniel’s questioning eyes.

 

“You got to tell her, Niel. Don’t you think about you rushing like this?” Daniel shrugged as he chugs down Seongwoo’s iced coffee. “Haven’t told her yet. She’ll be fine, though. She’s got this thing for my hair, you know? She yanks it and she makes this weird face during sex.”

 

Seongwoo sighed as he gave Daniel back his letter.

 

“You’re defending Nayeon. What’s wrong?”

 

Seongwoo laughed nervously. “Nothing. Nothing’s wrong. Well yeah—you’ll be far from her so I think it might be better if you tell your girlfriend you’re leaving.”

 

Daniel laughed, “Listen hyung, this is it. I don’t care about what Nayeon thinks or anyone else. Our dreams are finally coming true!”

 

“I’m honestly so proud of you, Niel.” _and I will miss you so much._  

 

“You’re coming with me, right? My flight’s in three days which gives me time to get settled before term starts. You need to go ahead and book your ticket.”

 

Seongwoo nodded, he’s trying his best to maintain the smile on his face. Daniel has always been good in reading Seongwoo and his body language, now was not the good time for that.

 

“Sure—-I got some stuff to sort out but I’ll be there.”

  
  


 

 

Our life was made up of time, our days were measured in hours.

 

In Seongwoo’s case, he’s spent most of his life with Daniel by his side. They spent weekdays going to school together and during the weekends they played together. They watched their first porn together—learned to ride bikes together. They did almost all of their firsts together.

 

 

Daniel was Seongwoo’s constant in his life.

 

But their time has finally run out. The three days passed quickly and before they know it, they are already in the airport and Seongwoo finally has to say goodbye. Seongwoo wished he could have slowed down it a bit and enjoyed more time with Daniel, but he knew there’s a bomb tickling

 

“Don’t get blown up by terrorists.” Seongwoo fixed Daniel’s jacket worriedly like he was sending his son to school, “Or lose cabin pressure and fall out of the sky.”

 

“Okay—”

 

“Don’t go out too much at night, I’ve read some news about college students getting robbed at night. Don’t trust strangers, but make friends. Okay?” Seongwoo knew Daniel like the back of his hand. He knew this boy was too nice for his own good, sometimes people take advantage of it. Daniel might have a well-built body, but that wouldn’t stop Seongwoo from worrying. After all, he’ll be living in a new country all by himself.

 

“Hyung—-Don’t worry too much. I can delay it if you want.”

 

“No,” Seongwoo said while shaking his head. “No, you have to get on that plane.”

 

Daniel warmly smiled at his hyung, “Hey close your eyes.”

 

“Why?”

“Just close it for a second, okay? And give me your finger. Hold it up and point it towards me.” Seongwoo did as told and waited, feeling a small ball spin on the front of his pointer finger. “Okay, now open it.”

 

 

Seongwoo opened his eyes slowly, looking down at Daniel’s tiny globe keychain which Daniel had placed on Seongwoo’s finger and watched him expectantly. He smiled softly.

 

“North America.” Their smiles mirrored each other as Daniel entangled their hands together. Seongwoo held back tightly not wanting to let go. He wanted to savor all the minutes, seconds left he has with Daniel.

 

“Hyung, you and me?”

 

“You and me.”

 

Seongwoo has already made up his mind to let Daniel go. He already prepared himself for this very moment where he had to finally say goodbye. Seongwoo stared at Daniel’s handsome face before throwing himself at him for one final hug.

 

“Daniel, remember I will always be your friend, okay?”

 

Seongwoo told himself countless times to never let himself cry. He rested his forehead against Daniel’s, both of their eyes closed. “Of course, you will always be my Seongwoo-hyung.”

 

“And you will always be my Daniel.”

 

It’s so easy to lean and kiss Daniel right now. Their mouths were almost just an inch apart from each other, but neither has the courage to cross the boundary they had set for each other a long time ago. Goodbye is a foreign word to say to someone who’s been with you for almost your whole life and Seongwoo couldn’t believe the day where he has to say it to Daniel has come.

 

Seongwoo took his time to touch every part of Daniel’s face, from his beautiful and long lashes to his pointed nose, pink and plump lips. Seongwoo wanted to remember how it feels to be this close to the person whom he treasured the most in this world. The only person who could instantly brighten his day with his smile and the only person who could make all his worries disappear.

 

Seongwoo slowly stepped back, letting go of Daniel’s hand, and him, permanently.

 

“Hyung, I have something to give to you.” Daniel handed Seongwoo an envelope which Seongwoo assumes is a letter. “Promise me you’ll read it once you get back home. Okay?”

 

Seongwoo held himself back from crying. “I promise.”

 

“I’ll see you soon?”

 

Watching your love getting farther and farther away from you hurts. It felt like he was drowning consciously into a bottomless pit, but can’t do anything but watch himself drown more. It was like getting hit by a truck repeatedly with your eyes wide open. Like watching your favorite balloon drifting far away to the endless sky without knowing if it will ever come back.

 

 

 

Seongwoo knew that today, he made a choice to let his favorite person go and he’ll probably regret it for the rest of his life.

 

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

 

It’s been three months since Daniel left to pursue his studies in America. He was accepted as a med student at Harvard University with a full scholarship and Seongwoo is immensely proud of him.

 

Throughout the three months Daniel has been away, he never forgot to send Seongwoo a message or call him, he tells Seongwoo how his day went, the friends he made, the nice bars near his campus. He also never failed to ask him when would Seongwoo come to Boston.

 

And Seongwoo just couldn’t bear to say he would never come to Boston anymore, so he used every excuse he could think of just to avoid the topic. It was hard, Daniel is very persistent in persuading Seongwoo to live with him.

 

Eventually, Seongwoo ran out of excuses to why he hasn’t come to Boston yet, and Seongwoo knew Daniel was far from being stupid. He knew he already figured it out. Soon,  he stopped asking and Seongwoo started hanging up more. The daily phone calls became weekly and the text messages came barely.

 

Seongwoo started to feel the distance between him and Daniel slowly.

 

But it’s also been three months since Seongwoo confessed to his mother about him impregnating his younger schoolmate, Sooyoung. After he told his mother about the pregnancy, Seongwoo cried and his mother did too. She didn’t get mad at him but instead, she offered him her whole support in raising his kid and told him she’s proud of him for taking responsibility for his actions.

 

He knew he needed money to support his child, so instead of going to a nearby college, he started working as a server at a hotel in their town. After his work, he never failed to visit Sooyoung in her apartment to bring her food or anything she might need. They have become friends too. Seongwoo realized Sooyoung would be the mother of his child and he has to at least be friends with her even though they started at the wrong foot. He needs to get to know her too even if they aren’t romantically involved.

 

 

 

 

“Sooyoung-ah, have you eaten dinner already?” Seongwoo stepped inside Sooyoung’s apartment like he owns it. He already has a spare key to her home in case of emergency.

 

Seongwoo placed the takeout he bought on the kitchen table, he knew Sooyoung was home because her bag was already sitting on the sofa. Her house is rather simple since she lived alone for almost all throughout their high school since her parents are in Canada but they never failed to give her monetary support. The apartment has a small kitchen, a neat living room complete with sofas and a flat screen tv and there’s only one room. He opened the bedroom door to check if she’s inside, he slowly turned the knob thinking maybe she’s asleep, but what he saw surprised him more.

 

Sooyoung was on her bed, holding her phone on her right hand and a cigarette between her lips.

 

“What are you doing? Why are you smoking?” Anger boiled in his system. Sooyoung knew smoking is bad for the child inside her. He repeatedly told her this, they made a deal that she will never smoke again.

 

High School is that time where teenagers are more prone to experiment and try things, Seongwoo could attest to that. So he doesn’t blame Sooyoung if she developed a bad habit of smoking whenever she’s stressed, but they made an agreement that she’d stopped for now, at least while she’s carrying Seongwoo’s child.

 

Surprise was all over her face as she rushed to crush the cancer stick. “Seongwoo-oppa, I can explain!”

Seongwoo ran his hand through his hair as he took a deep breathe, “Have you been smoking all this time?” He tried to ask as calmly as possible.

 

The deafening silence that filled the room was more than enough to answer Seongwoo’s question.

 

“Oppa—-I—-I’m sorry.”

 

 

Seongwoo is disappointed.

 

“It’s okay. But we have to go to the doctor tomorrow and ask him if this will affect the baby.”  His mother repeatedly reminded him to be always calm if they would ever get in a fight because the stress isn’t good for the pregnancy.

 

Seongwoo’s father has always been his role model. His idol. He’s better than Superman or Ironman or any other superhero out there. So Seongwoo promised to himself if he’d ever have a child, he’d always be as calm and understanding as his father.

 

“No, Oppa—I have something to say.” Guilt was written all over her face,Seongwoo couldn’t figure out why. She breathes, her voice cracking. “I lied.” Her eyes couldn’t meet Seongwoo. A sign she’s incredibly guilty for something she’s done.

 

“What do you mean?” Seongwoo was puzzled.

 

_“I’m not pregnant—I lied—I lied because I don’t want you to go away because I have always been in love with you. I know It’s childish——”_

 

Seongwoo clenched his fists hard, gritting his teeth from the effort to remain silent. He listened to every word Sooyoung has to say that the language she spoke became foreign to him. His whole face was red from suppressed anger, he just couldn’t believe what he’s hearing right now.

 

“Stop.” Seongwoo breathed roughly, “You lied—to me, you ruined my chance of going to college—because you—like me? Seongwoo felt burning rage coursing through his body. “You lied to me!” He yelled at her.

 

“No—please—listen——”

  
  


 

 

Seongwoo couldn’t spend another minute in that house, anger and shame clouded his mind as he ran through the cold streets of Busan.  He wasted three months of his life that could’ve been the start of his future, because of one fucking lie.

 

Seongwoo turned down his admission to a prestigious college because he wanted to take responsibility for a mistake that didn’t even happen in the first place. He should’ve been in Boston right now, studying his ass off, hanging out with his college schoolmates, drinking and partying all night and—-he should’ve been with Daniel right now.

 

He’s unsure of what to do now. He could go and visit Daniel in Boston, but would he be able to tell him the truth? Seongwoo remembered how he almost leaned in for a kiss in the airport, how unsure they both were. He still remembered tracing Daniel’s eyes, nose and lips with his fingers, trying to remember how it felt like to be close with him. He lied on his bed, but all he remembered was how Daniel used to sleep next to him, how annoying yet adorable his sleeping habits were, how they fought for the blanket and how Daniel would always let him win instead.

 

It sucks because Seongwoo was at his home right now, but it doesn’t feel like home without Daniel anymore. Because Seongwoo knew that home wasn’t a place, but a feeling and Seongwoo needed his home back.

 

That morning, Seongwoo immediately told his mother about him leaving to visit Daniel in Boston, she didn’t say anything but hug his son and that was exactly what Seongwoo needed. He used his money he saved for his “soon-to-be-child” to book his plane ticket instead.

  
  
  
It wasn’t easy to let go of Daniel. Regret eats him up from the inside as he recalled his last memory with him at the airport. At that time, he should have taken the leap and kissed him on the lips. He had his chance to make him know of his feelings, but the scary walls of friend zone scared him.

 

“Seongwoo, son, are you alright?”

 

“Mom..”

 

“You’re spacing out.”

 

His mother knew about his feelings for Daniel ever since he was little but she has never confronted nor talked to him about then, Seongwoo is grateful for that.

 

“Are you thinking of telling him? I’m pretty sure he’ll accept no matter what.” Seongwoo shook his head. He doesn’t even know what to tell Daniel. His mother sighed, reaching out for his hand which he gratefully accepted. “Son, why don’t you write him a letter? Daniel has always loved getting letters from you.”

 

“He did?”

 

His mother gave him a teasing but knowing smile.

 

“Sometimes, you have to stop looking at Daniel as your best friend and look at him as a person, Seongwoo. You’ll be surprised.”

 

That night, Seongwoo tried to follow his mother’s advice and took a pen and paper to write all the things he never got to say to his best friend.

 

 

 

 

_Dear Daniel,_

 

_I’m writing you this letter because I know that If I have to say this to your face, I will chicken out and will probably say something dumb like I always do. I will never have the courage of telling these things to your face so even if this is cringy as fuck and corny as hell, hear me out._

 

_Daniel. You have no freaking idea how much it hurt me when you told me that you slept with that bitch from school. I know that you liked her because she’s pretty and hot, but come on, you really have to say that to me in chat? She’s not even that hot anyway and she had a boyfriend before you. Rolls eyes._

 

_Daniel. You have no freaking idea how much it hurt me when you chose to go with her to the prom instead of me. Did you have fun with her anyway? Was she good at dancing? I bet I’m better than her anyway. Rolls eyes._

 

_Daniel. You have no freaking idea how much being away from you for three months hurts.  It’s always been me and you. Only you and me. We blocked people from being our friend until there was only me and you. You always had me, I always had you. Three months without you is hell._

 

_By the way, you were right, I am in love with you._

 

_Love,_

_Seongwoo_

 

 

Seongwoo stopped writing and re-read the letter he wrote.

 

Maybe someday, he’ll have the courage to give this to Daniel.

 

Someday, he’ll have his reply too.

  
  
  
  
  


 

 

“What should I tell him, Jonghyun? That I got fooled by someone who liked me? And I was a fool to believe her and lie to him instead?” Seongwoo has another dilemma. He just couldn’t tell Daniel he ghosted him for three months without telling him what really happened.

 

“Seongwoo—He’s your best friend. I’m pretty sure he’ll be more concerned than mad you know, besides, Daniel is a pretty cool guy.”  During the three months, Seongwoo and Jonghyun became closer, Seongwoo became more comfortable in opening up to Jonghyun about the stuff he just couldn’t tell Daniel. ”Go to Boston Seongwoo, Follow your dream—be with Daniel.”

 

“What If—”

 

“There are no what ifs if you would just try.”

 

Seongwoo gratefully smiled at his friend, “Thank you, Jonghyun, for everything.” With a brave heart, Seongwoo took a deep breath and walked to the airport’s entrance.

 

“Seongwoo!” Jonghyun somewhat shouted, “I—I will be here to wait for your return—if you ever realized that Boston is not the place for you, I will be here.”

 

Seongwoo smiled at the man who saved him countless times, “Thank you, Jonghyun.”

  
  
  
  
  


 

 

 

 

Seongwoo felt like throwing up, his heart pounded because of excitement and nervousness, he could feel his hands shaking as he searches for a familiar face in the sea of people.

 

He arrived in Boston Logan Airport a few minutes ago, and Daniel promised he’s on his way to see him. There were screens of arrival and departure times on the walls. People were lining up at the check-in desk with suitcases and baggage, some looked excited whilst others looked like they would rather be anywhere than here.

 

**_Daniel._ **

 

When he walked out of the exit doors, he was greeted by a sea of people waiting for their loved ones. But Seongwoo has his eyes set on someone with a bouquet of sunflowers in his hands. Time seemed to stop when their eyes met and just like a cliche scene of an overrated romantic comedy movie, Seongwoo felt his vision focused on only one person.

 

There he was, the person Seongwoo has been dreaming of seeing throughout the three months they were apart, the only constant person in Seongwoo’s life.  Daniel gave him a smile as he opened his arms widely to welcome Seongwoo.

 

Seongwoo, being too delighted to see Daniel, dropped his bags and ran as fast as he could to Daniel’s welcoming arms, hugging him tightly.

 

Daniel laughed as he lifts Seongwoo from the ground. “Seongwoo-hyung, I missed you so much.”

 

“I’m here. It took me so long but I’m finally here.” Seongwoo held him tighter, afraid that if he lets go, he’ll wake up and this was just all a dream.

 

When Seongwoo let go, he finally took a good look at his best friend. He lost weight, not that noticeable but it kinda made Seongwoo worried. Has Daniel been eating properly lately? He dyed his hair to blonde too. When he left for America, his hair was pink.

 

“So, tired? Hungry?” Daniel asked with a mischievous smile on his face.

 

“No? Why?”

 

Seongwoo smiled back.

  
  


 

 

 

 

 

Daniel took Seongwoo to all the spots he loves in Boston. The two of them took a picture with everything in every place, Seongwoo brought his camera for this. They went to the places Daniel used to visit alone; Seongwoo has never felt this happy in three months. They talked about everything they failed to share with each other when they were apart. It felt so good to hear Daniel laughing again at every joke Seongwoo made. It was like they never parted, as if it was just yesterday when Seongwoo sent his best friend to the airport.

 

“It felt so good to be with you again, hyung. You and me, in the place where we wanted to be.” Daniel smiled as he took Seongwoo’s hand in his.

 

“You and me.” Seongwoo entangled their fingers together. This time, he’s not letting go anymore.

 

They were currently lying down on the green field near Daniel’s university. Seongwoo’s head is on Daniel’s stomach, while Daniel is busy playing with Seongwoo’s hair. It was like as if the world has stopped and there was only him and Daniel.

 

“It’s strange. This could’ve been my life too,” Seongwoo said quietly. “It’s— I don’t know. It was everything we talked about years ago, this was exactly what we’re dreaming of.”

 

Daniel smiled, “Well, this could be our life from now.” There’s something in Daniel’s eyes that’s telling Seongwoo to tell Daniel about what really happened. He deserved to know the truth, Seongwoo knew that. Seongwoo sat up, eyes never leaving Daniel’s, he could do this. He could tell Daniel what happened. He was his best friend, right?

 

“You—told me you’d be here, and I waited long enough. Why don’t you stay for good here, Seongwoo? I will help you to settle here. We—-I don’t know— It’s not too late for our dreams to start now, right?” Seongwoo could hear the sadness and longing in Daniel’s voice. “I missed you so much, hyung.” There was something in Daniel’s eyes that ignites hope in his heart.

 

“I missed you so much too.” Seongwoo’s voice broke a little, he starts moving his face a little closer to Daniel, so their foreheads would touch. ”You don’t know how much it killed me to hear your voice but—I couldn’t be with you like this.”

 

Seongwoo learned in high school that there were kinds of love a person could experience in a lifetime, but as he recalled each kind, he realized his love for Daniel never fitted any criteria. It was unexplainable. Something even science couldn’t explain. Even a thousand words wouldn’t be enough to describe them. It was everything and nothing at the same time. It was simply something only him would feel.

 

Poets often describe that love is an emotion no one couldn’t control. It drives even the smartest people mad, overwhelms logic. It was spontaneous and unexpected.

 

But what Seongwoo felt for Daniel was different. He didn’t wake up just one day and realized that he’s in love with his best friend. It was like a tree that grew from a seed, each day you watered the seed until it grows into a build and stabled tree. He knew he was falling hard every day, but he didn’t stop his feelings from building up, as if he jumped from the cliff head-on knowing it would hurt in the end.

 

But Seongwoo regretted nothing because loving Daniel is something he’d choose over and over again.

 

“Live here with me, hyung.”

 

It was so easy to kiss Daniel at this very moment, Seongwoo could just close the gap, give his letter and call it a day. The scenes in the movies looked uncomplicated: the main leads meet, they fall in love and have their happy ever after, though they might experience some troubles along the way, it was already given they would have their happy ending. But unlike in the movies, reality doesn’t have a script people could alter any time they want to. We won’t be given another take or chance to re-do something that we might regret.

 

So, Seongwoo promised to himself to never let another chance go by.

 

He smiled. “Well, you can still convince me to stay if you want.”

  
  
  


 

 

 

 

Daniel brought Seongwoo to a place he knew Seongwoo wouldn’t say no to.

 

“Fuck? LANY? They are here in Boston? How did you get tickets!” Seongwoo exclaimed excitedly as he and Daniel maneuver themselves against the crowd.

 

Seongwoo and Daniel have always loved music, although their tastes are somehow different. Seongwoo loved songs with soft and mellow melody with deeper meaning while Daniel is more on upbeat and dance music, somehow they were both into this particular band.

 

Seongwoo’s eyes perked up when he recognized a familiar melody, “Daniel! It’s our song!”  Daniel’s eyes crinkled in delight as his arms immediately wrapped around Seongwoo’s shoulder.

 

“This is our song.”

 

_Song: PINK SKIES by LANY_

 

The concert venue was in an open area so everyone screamed when it started pouring rain, nevertheless, the people became even more hyped. The best friends had few drinks before coming to the concert, so both of them were tipsy dancing to the music of their favorite band.  “ _You are my favorite everything, Been telling you that since I was sixteen—”_ Both of them sang at the same time, it really was the perfect lyrics to their friendship.

 

Seongwoo’s heart swelled in happiness while watching Daniel sing his heart out, still hugging him from the side. It felt like they were in the middle of filming a romantic movie—and this was just the part where he has to kiss him.

 

 _“Shut up, I love you—You are my best friend.”_ The moment when their eyes met, Seongwoo knew he has to do something. He missed all his chances already, he couldn’t let another one go.

 

In the middle of the pouring rain, while their favorite band is playing their song, Seongwoo slowly cupped his best friend’s face as he slowly pressed his lips on Daniel’s. It was just a soft and innocent pressing of lips, but Seongwoo knew this innocent kiss is already the best kiss he ever had with someone.

 

For a moment, Seongwoo thought Daniel would pull away from him and push him off—but the moment Daniel’s lips moved in to deepen their kiss, Seongwoo thought— maybe he has a chance with Daniel after all.

 

The rain ran down their faces to where their lips meet, both tasting the cold drops but it didn’t stop them from breaking the electrifying kiss. Seongwoo poured all his feelings to the kiss, hoping that through the movements of his mouth, Daniel would understand the words he failed to say.

 

_Song: ILYSB by LANY_

 

Daniel swept the older’s bangs aside and kissed his temples. _“Can’t get enough so stay with me,”_ He paused to smile at Seongwoo, and Seongwoo swore his heart was beating so loudly, he could almost feel his rib cage breaking. He knew Daniel was just singing along to the song, but he couldn’t help but feel the lyrics a little deeper, as if Daniel was trying to sing those lyrics to him.

 

 _“And you need to know nobody could take your place,”_ Daniel whispered to Seongwoo’s ears as his lips nibbled on his best friend’s earlobe, kissing and biting at the same time. _“ And you need to know that I’m hella obsessed with your face.”_ Seongwoo buried his face on Daniel’s shoulder curve as his arms encircle on his neck.

 

 _“My heart hurts so good, I love you babe, so bad.”_  As both of them sang the final lyrics to the song, Seongwoo felt enough courage to say what he has been trying to say for all these years.

 

“Daniel—”

 

“Hyung, Can we go to your hotel instead?”

  
  


 

 

 

 

Fortunately, Seongwoo’s hotel is just nearby the venue of the concert., Theythe best friends arrived in just ten minutes, although the whole trip was pretty awkward.

 

“I didn’t ask for any drinks when I booked this room, so I probably don’t have anything else aside from water,” Seongwoo said when he opened his room. Daniel helped Seongwoo with his bags, putting them on the floor near his bed.

 

Now that they are alone in the quiet room without a crowd around them nor loud music playing in the background, Seongwoo felt himself sober up from the adrenaline of kissing his best friend.  Heavy silence and tension filled the small room. Seongwoo tried hard to avoiding catching Daniel’s eyes.

 

What now? What happened? He was supposed to finally tell Daniel those three important words earlier, that was already the perfect moment, but he let another chance slip away.

 

“Hyung—Can I ask you something?” Daniel quietly asked.

 

Seongwoo nodded.

 

“Why did you kiss me?”

 

Why?

 

Seongwoo stared at Daniel for a long time before breathing out loudly, trying to calm himself into saying what is needed to be said.

 

“Hyung—Why are you crying—Hey, look at me, It’s okay—Stop crying.” Daniel cuppedcups Seongwoo’s face with his warm hands.  

“Huh?” Seongwoo touchedfelt himself touching his face, there were tears rolling from his eyes, and he wasn't even aware of this.

 

“Hyung, Is it Sooyoung?”

 

“What?”

 

“Did you guys fight? That’s why you came here and you—kissed me? Is that it?”

 

Seongwoo stared at Daniel for a moment before pushing him away and laughing humorlessly. Was that how he thinks of him? Was he always been that low to Daniel’s eyes?

 

“You can’t be serious, Niel—” He paused, “—you actually think I kissed you because of that?” Seongwoo exclaimed. This is bullshit. He couldn’t believe Daniel would think of thethat kiss just like that. “And who told you I was dating Sooyoung? I never dated her.”

 

“Someone told me you were always at her house, hyung. What do you expect me to think?—that you were there to play video games? Fuck that, Seongwoo!” Daniel replied back with an equally annoying voice.

 

“Are you dumb? Oh right, you’re not—you got accepted to Harvard for fuck’s sake, but are you fucking dumb, Niel?—” Seongwoo never raised his voice at Daniel, but he felt too frustrated he couldn't control it anymore. “I have always been in love with no one else but you——”

 

The next thing Seongwoo knew was that Daniel’s tongue was back in his mouth—his best friend slammed his lips against his, nearly knocking out all the air from his lungs. Compared to their sweet and innocent kiss at the concert, this one was different, it was sloppy and wet—but damn, it was so good he nearly moaned into Daniel’s mouth. Their tongues sliding in and out to meet and dance together. Seongwoo put his arms around Daniel’s neck, afraid if he lets go, he’d be on the floor.

 

Seongwoo stared at Daniel’s eyes, swirls of emotion visible—lust and desire, “Daniel—”

 

But before Seongwoo could say another word, Daniel already covered his mouth with his own in a hungry kiss. The moan the older was suppressing ever since came out a little dirtier than it should have.

 

“Hyung—can we really do this?”  Daniel looked him in the eyes, Seongwoo could feel that he was still somehow hesitant, but Seongwoo has already made up his mind. He wanted to do this with Daniel. He wanted him to have all of his—right now.

  
  
  


 

 

 

 

 

Seongwoo slightly panicked when he opened his eyes and found no one beside him., hHe jerked up, eyes adjusting to the light from the room’s opened window.

 

“Hyung, I need to go back to my apartment and get my stuff first.,” Daniel has just finished taking a bath. He was still wearing his clothes last night, and Seongwoo felt an urge to make him stay with him (on his bed) and repeat what they did last night. Seongwoo felt his face burning up by just the thought of doing it again it with Daniel.

 

They had an amazing night together and Seongwoo hoped maybe they could continue again today but unfortunately, Daniel had other plans in mind.

 

“I’ll come with you then,” Seongwoo mumbled, rubbing his eyes as he let out a yawn.

 

“No—”, Daniel immediately answered which made Seongwoo frowned, “You can just stay here and rest. I’ll come back later.”

 

Seongwoo frowned even more. “I want to see where you live, Niel. Can’t I really come?” Seongwoo wanted to spend the whole day with Daniel. Call him clingy or needy, but he’s been imagining Daniel as his lover for all his life, and now he’s close to having that. He walked to where Daniel was standing with just boxers on. He smiled as he trails kisses on his neck down to Daniel’s exposed collar bones. “Please let me come with you.”

 

“Fine.” Daniel sighed. “But—-”

 

“Huh?”

 

“I need to have you again, hyung.”

  
  
  
  


 

 

 

When they arrived in Daniel’s apartment, they were greeted bywith someone Seongwoo’s not familiar with.

 

“You didn’t come home last night.” The man with greek like face greeted, before taking a sip offrom his coffee. His eyes landed on Seongwoo, making him feel smaller by his intimidating stare. “I called you countless times. Why didn’t you answer my calls?”

 

“Ah, I was with Seongwoo-hyung last night—I thought you were going to study at Jisung’s, so I didn’t dare to disturb you.” Seongwoo frowned. Last night, he was just ‘“Seongwoo’” to Daniel, now he’s back to being ‘“Seongwoo-hyung’”.

 

The other man nodded and looked at Seongwoo again, “Aren’t you going to introduce your visitor to me?”

 

Daniel scratched his head, “Ah, hyung this is Minhyun, Minhyun this is Seongwoo-hyung.”

 

“Oh, so this is Seongwoo?” Minhyun let out a chuckled but Seongwoo doesn’t find any humor in his tone, as if he was not welcomed to be here, at all. “I heard so many stories about you from Daniel.”

 

“That’s nice—” Seongwoo smiled, “Because I didn’t hear anything about you from Daniel” Seongwoo eyed Daniel who was slightly fidgeting., Hhe’s has been avoiding Seongwoo’s eyes since they arrived. He didn’t know Daniel had a roommate, he never told him he was sharing his apartment so he couldn’t let Seongwoo stay. At first, Seongwoo felt hurt that Daniel didn’t offer his apartment when he told him he was coming over to Boston for a visit, but now he finally knows why.

 

Minhyun just gave Seongwoo another smile. “Daniel, I’ll see you at Jihoon’s party later?”

 

“I don’t know—I still need to go to places with hyung—”

 

“Don’t worry Daniel, I can just come with you, can’t I?”

  
  
  
  


 

 

 

 

Daniel is really loved everywhere he goes.

 

Seongwoo was just reminded of that as he watches Daniel getting dragged everywhere by people... When they arrived with Minhyun, Daniel was immediately pulleddragged somewhere by a boy called Woojin, so he was just left alone with the other man.

 

“How come I don’t know you’re coming to visit Daniel?” Minhyun asked and Seongwoo stopped thean urge to roll his eyes. He handed Seongwoo a cup of beer which hethe other gladly accepted.

 

“I don’t know maybe Daniel forgot to tell you.”   _or maybe you’re not entitled to know everything._ Seongwoo tried to look for Daniel in the crowd of people again. “Where is Daniel?”

 

Minhyun shrugged, “Let him be. Daniel needs to create connections as much as possible right now—he will surely need that in the future.”

 

“Connections?” Seongwoo raised his eyebrows, not really liking what the other is implying.

 

“This is how you survive college here, Seongwoo-- It’s different from where you came from.”

  


Just like what Minhyun has said to him, Seongwoo really felt out of place. He doesn’t know anyone in the party except Daniel and Minhyun, but he would gladly to be alone rather than to be with the latter., Daniel was nowhere to be seen.

 

Seongwoo has already draunk four cups of beer now, and he was starting to get annoyed by Daniel. They were supposed to spend the whole day together or maybe talk about what happened between them last night. Seongwoo felt uneasiness boiling inside of him as his eyes scanned through the crowd of the partying students.

 

Was this supposed to be his life too? Was he supposed to be part of this wild and loud crowd too? Was this really what he wanted? Was Boston really where he wanted?

 

Seongwoo unbuttoned the top button of his polo, he felt dizzy. He made his way out of the club, pushing drunk college students out of his way.

When Seongwoo came to Boston, all he wanted was to see Daniel. He never thought about what will happen next, and now that he experienced a little part of what could’ve been his life here—he couldn’t explain what he’s feeling anymore.

 

Daniel is really living a different life now. Three months were such a short time for someone to change drastically especially Daniel, but as Seongwoo recall everything, he realized that the Daniel he’s been with for yesterday was not his best friend whom he sent to the airport three months ago.

 

He changed a lot and iIt scares Seongwoo.

 

He stepped out of the club, almost running., Hehe just couldn’t accept the fact that there are so many things that change already.

 

“Hyung!—”, Daniel shouted while following Seongwoo behind, “Where are you going?”

 

“Home. Aand by home, I meant Busan. Not here.” Seongwoo walked faster.

 

“What? You told me you’re gonna stay here! We could finally start our life and dreams together, hyung!” Daniel finally caught up with Seongwoo, he grabbed his arm to stop him from walking any further.

 

“Your life, Daniel. Yours started three months ago when you boarded that plane—-While me? I don’t know yet what I really want yet. I thought that Boston was my dream too, but coming here made me realize that maybe it isn’t my dream, iIt was just yours—” His voice cracked, “and mine——is just to be with you.”

 

“Then why can’t you live here with me?” Daniel’s voice is filled with hurt and longingness.

 

“Can’t you see Daniel? You’re living a different world from mine now—”   Seongwoo removed Daniel’s hand from his arm and started walking away, but Daniel was faster than him., Hehe yanked his arm to make Seongwoo face him again.

 

“You’re just being intimidated and insecure, hyung!”  Daniel almost shouted. They were outside the street where people could hear and see them, but Seongwoo didn’t care anymore as he shouted back.,  

 

“Then what about Minhyun? Who was he to you? Why didn’t you tell me you have a roommate?”

 

“Because he isn’t.” Daniel’s voice became soft again as if he was confessing something he shouldn’t have done.

 

“What?”

 

“He was there because we slept together sometimes.”

 

It hurts.

 

ESeongwoo felt every word stung in his heart., Hhe never expected that he’d feel so angry at Daniel, but right now all he feelsfelt for the other are anger and disappointment. “Jesus, Niel! You’re seeing someone yet you fucked me?” Seongwoo exclaimed.

 

“He’s not my boyfriend—fuck—then what about Sooyoung? Why didn’t you tell me you got her pregnant? You told me you love me last night but you got a child waiting for you at home!”

 

Silence.

 

“You know what—I’m done with this— I’m done pretending that I really wanted to be here, when all I wanted was to see you.”

 

“So now what? You’re running away again? Just like what you always do whenever there’s something wrong between us. You'll just push me away and not care about what and how I feel, then act like nothing happened. That’s the only thing you’re good at, Seongwoo hyung.”

 

Seongwoo felt like Daniel just slapped him. He stared at the boy whom he loved for years now, if he was looking for a sign to let him go, maybe this was it. He’s done trying to be someone special to him.

 

“It was a mistake coming here. You don’t need me anymore. I hope you live a good life, Niel.”  Seongwoo pushed Daniel aside and started walking faster, away from the club and Daniel. He was not even sure if it ’s the right way, but he’d rather get lost than to be with someone who thinks so little of him.

 

“You know what? I will,” Daniel shouted.

 

“Don’t fucking go to me once you feel empty inside,” Seongwoo shouted back.

 

“No danger of that!”

 

“Good!”

 

“Excellent!”

 

“Fantastic!”

  
  


 

* * *

 

 

 

FIVE YEARS AFTER

 

Seongwoo sighs while stretching his limbs, it’s been a tiring and exhausting day for him. He spent all of his time arranging all of the stuff he would need when he finally moves to his own place. It took him five years to buy a house of his own, but it was still an achievement. Seongwoo believes that things take time and hard work will never betray you no matter what.

 

After graduating from a local college, Seongwoo pursued his passion for photography and fortunately, he was able to establish his own name and small business in their small town. Seongwoo also did some modeling gigs, it made him famous—popular enough that his small business made partnerships with some big entertainment industry names.

 

He made it.

 

Even though a lot of things happened every now and then, Seongwoo remained optimistic. He will overcome all the things life will throw at him.

 

Seongwoo starts emptying his drawers and as expected, a lot of things from high school were still there. He smiles as he skimmed through a series of photo albums from high school. He trieshard to ignore the little pain in his heart whenever his eyes caught a glimpse of someone who used to be so goddamn special to him.

 

It was very nostalgic.

 

Seongwoo notices a blue envelope tucked under his journal. It was still sealed, and from the looks of it,  he never tried to open or peak on what is inside. Seongwu curiously flips the envelope to check who’s the sender.

 

But Seongwoo can already recognize the penmanship of the sender of the letter.  It was crabbed, and it was definitely Daniel’s penmanship.

 

His former _best friend_ Daniel.

 

Ever since Seongwoo came home from Boston, he never received any other word from Daniel. He thought of reaching out to him, but it seemed like Daniel never needed him anymore because he never sent him anything either. It was like as if they never existed in each other’s lives. But life waits for no one, and Seongwoo needs to move on.

 

Seongwoo slowly peels off the seal, careful not to tear the letter inside.

  


Seongwoo never imagined that a simple letter would turn his world upside down, but this particular letter did. He feels like his world stopped when he finished reading the letter.

 

“Oh, Daniel...”

  
  
  


 

 

**_To my dearest Seongwoo,_ **

 

**_I’m flying to Boston tomorrow but before I go I wanted to write this letter to you.  I promise that whatever I’ll say in this letter is the truth, and nothing but every feeling and thought I have been keeping all these years. I will finally let them reach you—-I sincerely really hope they would._ **

 

**_My dearest Seongwoo, I’ve known you for my entire life. We’ve been together even before we learned how to spell our names right.  You were just the bratty small kid back then and I was the snotty crybaby, but regardless of our differences, we fit together. You’ve always been the most amazing and wonderful person. I’m so thankful to call you my best friend._ **

 

**_Seongwoo, I love you._ **

 

**_I love you in a way I’m not supposed to. I love you so much. It hurts when you told me not to mention the kiss we shared on your 18th birthday to anyone. It broke my heart when you called it a  mistake— something that you regret. I know there’s a small chance of you loving me back, but here I am, hoping maybe somewhere in your heart, you love me too—-in a way I want you to love me._ **

 

**_You deserve someone who will love you with every single beat of their heart. Someone who will think about you constantly—someone who will spend every minute of every day wondering what you’re doing, where you are and who you’re with. Someone who will help you reach your dreams and protect you from your fears._ **

 

**_I should have taken you to the dance with me. Seongwoo, I will wait for your answer when you come to Boston. I promise to be the man who will deserve someone as special as you._ **

 

 **_Please think about it.  Let’s stop being afraid and take the chance, I promise I’ll make you the happy_** **_._ _I loved you through it all. Make me the happiest man on this earth by being with me._**

**_Please reply to me._ **

 

**_Only yours,_ **

**_Daniel._ **

 

Tears burst from his eyes like water from a dam. Seongwoo feels his shoulders shake as he cries harder than he ever did in all his life. The walls he built around his heart collapses, crashing down like his tears. Seongwoo clutches the letter to his chest. Regrets flooding in as he realized he should have opened this years ago.

 

He could have saved himself and Daniel from all the heartaches.

  
  
  


 

 

“Seongwoo, I already packed the other stuff—” Jonghyun stops in his tracks when he noticed how the other boy is on the floor crying as if someone passed away.

 

“What—what happened? Are you hurt?” Jonghyun immediately squats down to examine Seongwoo who was still crying so hard.

 

“Seongwoo—”

 

“Jonghyun—he—Daniel.”  Jonghyun feels his heart drop at the mention of that name. Of course, no matter what he does, it would always be Daniel. Only Daniel could make Seongwoo cry like this—and it sucks because no matter what, Daniel will always be _that_ person to Seongwoo.

 

“Jonghyun, he loved me too. He loved me back but I was so stupid.” Seongwoo cries harder. Jonghyun sighs as he cradles Seongwoo to his chest. He pats his back, trying to calm the other. It was hard enough to hear he still loves him after all these years, but it’s harder to watch him break down like this, knowing he will never be the person who could comfort him.

 

He confessed to Seongwoo before he boarded the plane to Boston and when he came back with a broken heart—Jonghyun was there for him. He knew Seongwoo never liked him more than a friend, but he still begged for a chance to show Seongwoo his feelings.

 

It was wrong, but all Jonghyun wanted was to see again the sunshine he met when he was still in high school. He wanted to see Seongwoo happy again, even if it’s meant to let him go.

 

“Then go to him, Seongwoo. Go to him and claim what should’ve been yours since years ago.”

 

“But—”  Jonghyun smiles. His love for Seongwoo has to end now.

 

“It’s okay, Seongwoo. You gave me the chance to love you regardless of what you feel towards me, and for that, I’m already grateful. This time, please give yourself the chance to be loved the way you deserve to—even if it’s not with me.” Jonghyun kisses his forehead—Seongwoo finally stops crying.  “Go to him, Seongwoo. Make yourself the happiest man by getting your Daniel back.”

  
  
  


 

 

 

 

Seongwoo didn’t expect that his first destination after landing in Boston would be a church nor that he would be this kind of person who will ruin someone else’s wedding, but Seongwoo didn’t care anymore. Today, he’ll take his chance of getting _his_ best friend back.

 

He won’t let Daniel marry someone else without telling him how he feels towards him. They both made mistakes years ago which Seongwoo will probably regret for the rest of his life, but he won’t make the same mistake again. Seongwoo’s role in Daniel’s life has always been the best friend but this time, he’ll take this opportunity even if it means he’d be the antagonist in this chapter of Daniel’s life.

The whole church is decorated with blue and gold flowers, making the whole place like a scene in the movies. It was a very fitting setting for the prince and princess’ wedding. There were probably hundreds of guests dressed in finest dresses and suits. It was incredibly beautiful.Seongwoo admits everything was well planned and articulated.

 

Except for one thing, they didn’t know Seongwoo came to crash this wedding.

 

He didn’t send him an invitation to his wedding but Minhyun did. It was funny how Minhyun who was once a jerk to Seongwoo cared about him more than his ex best friend did. Though he isn’t sure if he sent him the invitation to spite him or—he just really want to him out. Nevertheless, Seongwoo is here dressed in the fanciest suit he owns.

 

Daniel.

 

Seongwoo is twenty-four years old now, yet he found no one else as beautiful as Daniel. He looks absolutely charming in his white suit, his hair was shorter compared to their younger days. He looks broader and mature too, but his eyes still have that mischievous glint on them. Daniel looks perfect standing at the altar waiting for—his bride.

 

When the song starts playing, Daniel’s bride starts walking down the aisle. Seongwoo learned he met her a year ago in the hospital he was working at—her parents were the directors of the board of the hospital. They got engaged two weeks ago, just a week before Seongwoo found Daniel’s letter.

 

“We are all gathered here today in the presence of these witnesses, to join Daniel Kang and Sejeong Kim in celebration of their union together. If any person can show just cause why they may not be joined together — let them speak now or forever hold their peace.”

 

There was nothing but silence until Seongwoo stands up.

 

“Ugh—Hello, Daniel. It’s been a while.” Daniel was shocked, his eyes wide open as he stares at his ex-best friend. “I don't really have a speech plan for this aside from—-” Seongwoo takes a deep breath, “ I object on letting you marry someone else.”

 

Collective gasps and chatters grow louder. Seongwoo was determined to let Daniel hear everything he wanted to say despite all the consequences—this was a stupid idea, but he’d rather be stupid than sorry.

 

“Years ago, I made the biggest mistake of my life when I choose not to read your letter—thinking it would help me move on from you faster. But now, I’m standing here, holding this letter you’ve written years ago— hoping maybe you still meant every word you wrote when you were still eighteen years old.”

 

Seongwoo’s voice breaks at the end and he feels like there were tears already streaming down his face. “We both made mistakes years ago—-” Seongwoo takes a deep breath, “I know I have no right to say all of these when I was the one who let go, but I couldn’t go on with my life knowing I let the love of my life walk away from me twice.”

 

Seongwoo wipes his tears.“I do understand that maybe your heart has changed already and that maybe, the woman beside you is the one who owned your heart now, but I just want you to know that no matter where you are or what you’re doing or who you’re with, I will always, honestly, truly, completely love you.”

 

Seongwoo smiles.

 

“But if there’s a little part of your heart that still loves me the way you loved me five years ago then run away with me.”

 

Collective gasps echoes inside the church.Seongwoo’s eyes remains on the only person who mattered.  He can’t read his face but decides what he did was already enough. He slowly walks out of the church— counting all his steps slowly.

 

 

 

 

 

**One.**

 

He did enough. This was enough.

 

 

 

**Two.**

 

It’s fine. At least he got to say what he wanted to say.

 

 

 

**Five.**

 

Daniel’s bride looked pretty, they would make pretty babies too—but Seongwoo would look better standing next to him at the altar.

 

 

 

**Six.**

 

He should’ve pulled him close and kissed him on the lips at the airport five years ago.

 

 

 

**Seven.**

 

Please.

 

 

 

 

 

**Eight.**

 

“Seongwoo—”

 

When Seongwoo turns around, he was greeted by familiar arms around his body. “You stupid hyung. It took you five years to read the letter huh—”

 

“Daniel—” When they hug, Seongwu feels the world stopping still on its axis. There was no time, no wind, no other people. It was just him and Daniel. Seongwu’s mind and heart were at peace. He could feel his strong arms around his body and his heart beating against his own. This was the love he waited for, the love his father told him about.

 

 

“Do you mean everything you said?”

 

Seongwoo nods.

 

“It’s always been you, Seongwoo-hyung. No one else but you— God knows how much I prayed that someday you’ll find your way to me.” Daniel’s voice cracks, tears threatening to fall from his eyes, “But you’re here now, and I will never let you go. It will just be you and me, forever.”

 

“You and me.”  

 

There are a lot of things they’d need to talk about. They lost five years of what ifs due to lack of communication, misunderstanding and selfishness. They wouldn’t be able to take away the pain they caused each other and they both knew that. But at least, this time, both of them are trying to make it work together.  It wouldn’t be easy—it would take both of their full effort and trust—Seongwu is ready to risk them all.

 

“Promise me—no secrets and no running away now?” Daniel presses their foreheads together—just like what they did back at the airport five years ago, “I don’t think I can ever let you go again hyung.”

 

If there’s something Seongwoo will regret for all his life, it’d be pulling away from Daniel and not kissing his lips five years ago. He shouldn't have wasted all those years without him—so with a brave heart and determined mind, Seongwu bravely presses his lips on Daniel in front of a hundred people who’ve just witnessed his confession.

 

Seongwu is tired of being afraid.

 

“I promise.”

 

Because Seongwu believes in every universe or lifetime, It will be Daniel that he’d choose over and over again.

 

**Author's Note:**

> this is the second part of my "in every universe" series! if u want a book or movie that you'd like to be part of this series, comment down below and try to persuade me (read: i need ideas)
> 
> scream at me in my twt [ ongnielunit](https://twitter.com/ongnielunit) or cc [ongissacat](https://curiouscat.me/ongissacat)
> 
> ps: i love reading comments! so if u enjoyed reading this story, please leave me a comment (a simple one would do) hehe i will appreciate it so much <3


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